The promises of instant connections and happily ever after are everywhere. You are constantly reminded by ads for dating sites. Or scrolling past all of the damn couple pics on your social media timeline. So, you decide to go on few dates simply to the person that is meant for you. You go on couple dates, some are flat out awful and others are not too bad.
You managed to find one woman that is amazing. She is everything you wanted to find. She’s funny, smart, beautiful, and into everything that your into. It’s just one problem, she just wants to be friends. Somehow that get’s interrupted as if we hang out long enough she will eventually see what you see.
Wrong. Dealing with rejection against our own expectations can be soul crushing. You should take the situation for what it is. She may have given you some clues that this was coming before, but you choose to ignore them. But here are some signs that you want to keep your eye on for next time.
She Keeps Reinforcing That You’re Just Friends
Another way a woman might signal that she’s not interested in dating you is by reinforcing that the relationship is strictly platonic. If she’s constantly stressing that it’s so nice “having you as a friend” or explicitly introducing you as “my friend, [your name],” then she’s trying to tell you something — namely, that you are not her boyfriend and never will be.
Although this can sting, be careful about how you respond to it. It’s important that you don’t throw a tantrum about being put in the “friend zone”: Friendship is, after all, a precious gift, and you should be grateful that she’s offering you that much. Insisting that she owes you anything more than friendship is pure entitlement, and may land you with no relationship with her at all.
If you don’t think you can handle just being friends with your crush, then you should make a clean break instead of lingering in the background, hoping she’ll change her mind. This will only lead to resentment when she eventually moves on to another relationship, so either graciously accept the friendship, or move on entirely.
She Hasn’t Introduced You To Anyone In Her World
If you and your crush have been “dating” (at least, in your eyes) for weeks or months, but she’s weirdly evasive about letting you meet anyone in her world, she’s probably not quite as committed to the relationship as you are. Introducing a partner to your friends and family is one of the most solid signs of commitment, and if she’s being evasive in this area, it probably means she doesn’t see you as part of her future.
“I’ve only ever introduced two boyfriends to my parents, so for me, it’s a huge step,” said Lily, 29. “As soon as I knew I was serious about someone, though, it’s something that would need to happen.”
A reluctance to introduce you to friends and family is probably not a fatal sign very early in a relationship, but if you’ve been going steady for a while and it’s not even on the cards — or if she’s reluctant to meet your friends and family — it’s not a good sign. If your worlds aren’t meshing at all, and she’s the one preventing it, then it’s probably time to look for a more committed partner elsewhere.
She Never Initiates Meetings Between You Two
If your crush is never the one to initiate plans between the two of you, this is a sign that she might not be as invested in the relationship as you are. Think about it: if she was really into you, you’d be one of her go-to people whenever she wanted to visit a gallery or check out a new movie, like she is for you.
This one often goes in tandem with another sign on this list: constantly flaking on plans. “I think a big indicator for me is if we’re trying to set up another date and they’re busy, but they also don’t suggest another time,” David, 29, said. If she’s flaking on you, failing to initiate plans, or the dreaded combo of both, it should be pretty clear that things aren’t going well.
You deserve better than a partner who is tepid and unenthusiastic about spending time with you, so cut things off if she’s never initiating plans. It will save her having an awkward conversation with you later about how she likes you, but just not like that.
She Tells You, Directly And In Words, That She’s Not Interested
This one is about as straightforward as it gets: if she’s told you, in words, that she’s not interested in you, then you don’t need to keep analyzing her behavior or look for signs that maybe she didn’t mean what she said.
Plenty of women AskMen spoke to were happy to make themselves completely clear about not being interested in a guy. “I tell him, ‘There’s no spark,'” explained Mary, 35. “I usually get, ‘Fair enough’, or no response at all to that; i.e. they can’t argue with it.” Kerri, 31, uses an even more unambiguous approach: “Usually after a date, if it is not obvious to him that there is no connection, I block him on my cell phone after telling him, ‘Thanks, but no thanks.'”
Clear rejection like this is a horrible feeling, but there is a silver lining. You don’t need to waste your time trying to mind-read now: she’s let you know straightforwardly that she’s not interested, so you can move on to someone whose feelings are reciprocal this time.