By nature, most men are not the pacifist and feelings are something to buried unless it is angry. We want to grab shields like Spartan’s and conquer thinking that every battle is the War of Worlds. But this tactic when dealing with your girlfriend can have you sleeping at a friend’s house or alone trolling for another girlfriend.
So to save your self-lonely nights of holding pillows for comfort try some of these types to win a battle without losing the war with her.
Before you go further, one code every man should live by doesn’t hit a woman. If the situation is getting to the point that you can’t talk, walk away. If you decide to stay and talk it out using the rules below.
1. Find Hidden Meaning
Think for a moment about what sets you off. Is there something she says and does—or doesn’t do—that makes you angry or, even worse, resentful? There’s nothing wrong with anger, but if you can figure out the “why” of what grinds your gears, you may be able to find a way to grease them so your engine doesn’t seize up. In the same vein, a circuit can only take so much current before it blows. To diminish possibly irreparable damage to your relationship, find a way to cut the juice to the offending trigger before you blow a fuse.
Ultimately, a great deal of anger response is learned behavior. You can’t control or change another person’s behavior; you can only change yours. Sometimes if you can get to the root of why something gets to you so much, you can let go of it. But depending on the severity of what’s upsetting you, it might not be that simple, and could become a deal-breaker.
2. Avoid “You” Out Of It
According to Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM, couples’ consultant, author of Where Sex and Spirit Come Together , many couples get into trouble by trying to “correct” their partner’s behavior. Conversations that begin with phrases such as: “You always…” or “You never…” or “I don’t like it when you…” can lead to hot water.
“The use of the word ‘you’ can be very triggering for most people,” Monet explains, “because it’s so often associated with criticism. A more successful strategy is to begin your sentences with the word ‘I.’ For instance, by saying, ‘I am unhappy,’ you can create a connection which will make them feel safer and less defensive.” She continues, “By taking responsibility for your feelings, your partner is enabled to show compassion … If something serious is at play and needs to be addressed, at least you’ll be in a much more stable position to discuss issues and find solutions to them as a team.”
3. Fight about what you’re fighting about.
If your girlfriend has said/done/not done something that’s triggered your anger response, that’s what you should be fighting about. If instead of facing the issue, you drag a lot of irrelevant crap into the mix, she’s not going to know what you’re going off about and you’re not going to get it resolved. You might be tempted to criticize her for something she’s wearing just because you’re already angry at her about something larger. Resist the urge. All that accomplishes is diminishing your argument about the larger issue by making you seem irrational.
4. Leave Your Friends’ Opinions Out of It
Every woman’s greatest fear in life, aside from dating an ax murderer and the possibility that her daily non-fat latte actually contains lard, is getting stuck with the “crazy” label. So even if all of your buddies think that she’s being totally ridiculous for expecting you to do something like text her while you’re hanging out with them, she doesn’t need to know they think she’s nuts. A) They’re your friends, so of course, they’re going to have your back. B) Telling her will only make her feel awkward around the friends you name the next time she sees them. And C) It’s guaranteed to drag your argument into overtime — and that severely damages your chances of coming out on top.
5. Don’t Make Empty Threats
The United States of America does not respond kindly to threats, and neither does your girlfriend. So if you give her an ultimatum — “Unfriend your ex and quit following him on Twitter or we’re so done” — you better be prepared to follow through. Women are nasty mental ninjas who will call your bluff, which will either force you to follow through and leave or back down with your balls in hand.