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The Right Way To End The Night

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You spot her from the across the room. You don’t even know her name, you never even heard her voice, or know if she is here alone.  All you know is that you can’t take your eyes off her.  Either this the start of some cheesy romantic comedy or one of the best nights of your life.

What you do in the next couple of minutes can be the difference between you spending the night alone or you and getting coffee in the morning. Is having sex on the first night good or bad? The answer is neither. 

1. Be Confident

Be confident in yourself and your approach. She needs to be 100% comfortable with you. There are no in-between areas. If you come off as not having confidence, she will view everything you say as misleading.

That doesn’t mean be brash or over eager to head for the exit. Don’t be a dick. Being overly cocky about yourself is the number 1 turn off for most woman. This comes off more like you are insecurity and is a huge red flag. 

2. Look Her in Her Eyes

This should go without saying. The eyes are the window to the soul. A strong gaze pulls her into the moment. Your eyes wandering on her body or other women is a sign of insincerity. 

3. Don’t Expose Your Negatives

When you talk to her, stay positive. Don’t rattle off your negatives. Complain about your night or your ex. That’s just depressing. If you bring up anything negative keep it short. Focus on build chemistry with her and being in the moment. Talk about your passions, the things that make you smile. 

Focus on her, complainant her view points, her attire, and challenge some of her norms.

4. Be Direct

Once you have built a repro with her make your intentions clear. Approaching a woman with the clear intentions of causal no strings attached sex rarely is recipe for success. It is better to be upfront with her about what you want. Don’t confuse her with pointless conversation. Communication is the key to building chemistry and it works both ways. She will tell you what she wants and what she is willing do. Don’t try to persuade her to have sex with cheap tricks and false promises. She’s is not a slut and it is not your god given right to have her.  

5. Have An Exit Strategy

Where do you plan on going after you met her? If you do not have a ride or a room to finish the night, grab her number and setup a proper date. The vibe is automatically killed with let me “get my roommates to leave” or “what about this parking lot”. That sounds funny but I’ve heard worst.  

If you drove her to place, be a gentleman. Offer her a way home. It’s not fair to her to figure it out. If she drove herself walk her to her car. Ask her to send a text when she made it home, goes a long way. Rather you plan on asking her out again or not. There is no way she will want to be in contact with you, if you spend the entire night treating her like she is a gift and throwing her out as quick you can,

BOTTOM LINE

Perhaps you got lucky? Perhaps she got lucky? Perhaps the stars aligned in both of  you were in the right place at the right time. None of that matters if you don’t take my advice on how to approach her, you will just be on wishing on the stars like everyone else. 

Also make sure to follow me @flameemin.

Women

What To Drink On The First Date

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You finally got her to accept the terms of the date. You are meeting her at a bar, what should you drink? What you drink, where you drink, and how much you drink can be sending the wrong signals. You can go from charming to douchebag in no time.

“A few years ago, a guy took me out for sushi on a first date; I hadn’t realized it was a BYOB restaurant until he met me at the door with two wine bottles in tow. Now, grammar is admittedly my strong suit over math, but even I knew that added up to each of us finishing our own bottle” said Brooke Sagger “Here’s how that looked to me: that he was trying to get me really, really drunk. For one, I didn’t know him! He could’ve been a serial brunette strangler for all I knew! (I watch a lot of Law & Order.) It also made me feel like he assumed I wouldn’t be interesting enough sober”

Date number 2 could hinge on your understanding of her and what you drink. So before you start ordering drinks, check out our guide to drinking on the first date.

Know Your Limit

Before you order one drink, you should know your limit and your liquors. You are not there to get drunk and shit faced. Rule of thumb, you should have two drink max. You are not there to impress her with how many drinks you can put back. You are there to get know each other and you can’t do that shit faced.

Find A Unique Place

Take your date to your usual hangout. It’s cool if you know the bartender where you do end up going — in fact, it may be a plus to have an ally behind the bar — but you don’t want to walk in and have everyone there shout, “NORM!” It’s difficult to have an intimate conversation with a new friend when all the barflies you know are coming up and reminding you of that crazy time you got wasted and did a striptease during karaoke — last Wednesday. That place is yours and yours alone, and should stay that way until you get to know your date better.

Be True To Your Budget

Avoid the massive trap of ordering something that you can’t afford and gives her a false since of your lifestyle. avoid going straight to the top shelf or calling for a bottle of vintage champagne-unless that’s an everyday affair for you. It can make you look needlessly showy and could also make your date a little uncomfortable that you might a) be expecting something in return or b) going to suggest splitting the whopping bill.

Neither should you be cheap – be yourself, be generous, but don’t be needlessly decadent.

Order a Manly Drink

Skip the drinks fluorescence neon colored drinks with the umbrellas. Man up, there are plenty of drinks on any bar menu that will give her the right impression of you.

Try your hand at ordering a Negroni a classic with a twist made up of gin, campari, and sweet vermouth. Or try some Scotch on the rocks with some soda. “Many men fail with ordering drinks on the first date cause they want to impress the girl by ordering them a drink without a chaser” says drink expert Chris Louis “This is just an easy way to get embarrassed if you don’t know your limit.”

Also Scotch and smoky whisky without a chaser can give you some terrible breath that will turn her off.

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Women

How Not To Blow It In Bed

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Studies show that most men think about sex every 30 seconds. In that 30 seconds, the focus is squarely on the end the result. The focal point is rarely on her or what happens in the moment. This can lead to disaster. Lucky for you that we put together a list of some pitfalls you might want to avoid if you want a second round.

So read on and make sure that you aren’t turning your woman off without even realizing it.

 Set The Scene

Any good coach will tell you if you made it to the championship act like you been here before. There is no guarantee you are going to make it back, so you should be prepared at all times.I realize that you aren’t necessarily a set designer, but seducing your woman will be a heck of a lot easier if your pad provides her with a comfortable and inviting atmosphere. That means no dirty laundry or empty pizza boxes on the floor, and no strange house guests on your couch.

So, tidy up a bit, dim the lights, put on some nice mood music, and pour her a glass of wine. Just make sure not to go overboard and turn your place into a Bond-like sex haven, with curtains that close with a remote, strategically angled lighting, and a mini-bar complete with ice machine built into the wall, or she will bolt before you can offer her a martini.

Pay Attention  (whether verbal or physical) To Her

“Most women complain that men don’t listen and it translates into the bedroom as well,” says Nelkin. “Perhaps it stems from the male ego, which tells them, ‘I know it already’ or ‘I know it better than she does.'”

It is up to you to pay attention to her telltale signs until she is comfortable enough with you to really open up verbally. So don’t treat her like a blow-up doll and have your way with her (unless, of course, she has specifically asked you to do so).

Try to notice how she responds to your touch and react accordingly. If you sense that she is tensing up when you touch her or try to move her body in a certain way, it could be that you are being too rough or that she is ticklish, so be more gentle. If on the other hand, she seems completely unaffected by your caresses, it’s time to turn up the volume and shake things up a bit.

Kiss Her Zones

“Not warming up the engine properly before putting the foot on the accelerator,” says Nelkin. In other words — foreplay, foreplay, foreplay! “Insufficient foreplay can undermine the entire act of sex,” she says. “We women need it more than you guys do!”

The fact that you’re probably fascinated with a nice pair of knockers practically ensures that you will rarely forget to fondle a woman’s breasts during sex. Unfortunately, it is easy to forget that a woman’s body is full of less obvious erogenous zones.

Next time you’re in bed with your woman, try kissing her collarbone, where her shoulder meets her neck, gently running your fingers along her back, caressing and kissing her hips, or teasing the soles of her feet. Doing so will surely give her goosebumps and drive her crazy, and she will undoubtedly want to please you in return.

Don’t Be A Director

Once again, she is not blow up doll. While communicating your preferences is important, so is going with the flow and doing what feels right. So, don’t bark out orders like a drill sergeant and expect her to comply without question. Sex is supposed to be fun and free, not unpleasant and stressful.

Rather than being clinical with directions, try soft-spoken requests, communicating your desires with your eyes (for romantics only), or gently moving her body into the appropriately accommodating position and seeing her reaction. Such approaches will yield much more favorable results than the commando approach.

Don’t Assume She’s Satisfied

Just because you got off, that doesn’t mean that she’s satisfied. Remember that there is another person there with you who would also like to bask in that afterglow. At least make an effort to please her.

Look at it this way: If she is just as satisfied as you, she will likely be too spent for “pillow talk” and want to take a nap with you. So, get to it. Being selfish with sex is sure fired why to end a relationship.

Finally-Don’t Bail

While wanting to hit the hay after great sex is perfectly understandable, and often the natural thing to do, taking off on a woman after having sex with her is among the most rotten things a guy can do. Not only do you look like a jerk, but just think about how she’s left feeling.

If you can’t stand a woman enough to spend the night with her and not bail on her before sunrise, then you’ll have to deal with the aftermath (she’ll tell all her friends). At least spend 30 minutes talking to her before you split. Or, you can always opt to sleep with a chick you could bear looking at after you ejaculate.

This was originally published on GalTime, from our female friends who occasionally give us some much-needed tips. In this case, we hope they’re wrong (see first sentence and try to contain your groan).

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Women

5 Bad Habits That Ruin Dates

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You went on the first date and she didn’t respond to your messages. Maybe it’s problem with her, that she couldn’t see how great of a person are. Or maybe, just maybe, you have a problem. Unfortunately, some people don’t even know they have a problem and an even greater number of people don’t realize the possible outcomes associated with continuing these bad habits.

We have some of the top five bad habits men have on dates. Hopefully addressing these will help increase the odds for you to get a second date.

You Show Up Late

Punctuality is not the be-all and end-all of a good man. However, if you’re late all the time you’re certainly not winning any popularity contests with your main girl and this is surely a habit women hate. All emergencies aside, lateness indicates a lack of commitment to the plans you’ve made with one another. It also — whether intended or not — communicates a lack of respect and understanding for your date.

Staying Glued To Your Phone

It’s okay to have a busy social life that involves a lot of friends. It’s also okay to have a busy career that sometimes spills over into your free time. However, there is no reason that a man should be texting at the table. It’s extremely rude and it makes things really awkward. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to eat and all the while this guy is clicking away at his phone. Men, keep your phone away until the date is over.

This goes along with texting, but there is no need to take a picture of yourself while on a date so that you can inform all of your Instagram friends. There’s also no need for you to chat on Facebook or update your status to keep all of your boys in the know of what’s going on. We also aren’t interested in seeing your friend’s dog or your camping trip from last summer.

Staring At Other Women

Women aren’t stupid. She knows you’re looking at women all the time. She knows you noticed the waitress, the bartender, and the girl at the next table. What she doesn’t want is for you to embarrass her or undermine her own looks by making a scene of it. She doesn’t want to notice that you’re noticing. If you’re gawking at other women, commenting on them as you pass or missing conversations with your own date because you’re so distracted, then you’re not giving your girl the respect and admiration she deserves, and she knows it.

Women have this thing with comparing themselves to other women, and it’s a zero-sum game. If you’re complimenting another girl’s ass, your date will assume that you mean it’s better than hers. This will make her feel less and less attractive with each comment until she wishes she’d just stayed home — and maybe next time she will.

Talking About Sex

You should avoid talking about sex on the first couple of dates. Yes, women like a confident man, but there is a time and place to have a conversation about sex. Most women are put off by men bringing it up in the conversation in the wrong setting.

Not only does it make the overall conversation and environment awkward, it also reflects on him poorly. When a guy talks about sex and other physical things, he is probably only interested in exactly that. After a few dates and some time spent getting closer and more comfortable, this sort of topic is all right. But on the first or second date? Goodness no! This may be on the top of the list of annoying things men do on dates.

Drinking Too Much

Just like a drunk woman, there is nothing less attractive than a man who can’t hold his alcohol or a man who doesn’t know when to stop. Having a few drinks on the first date is fine, in fact, this can be really helpful in making the two of you a lot less nervous and anxious. However, there is a certain point that you reach when you know enough is enough. A drunk man is annoying as can be.

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